So if there's one thing I've learned from living in Boston, it's that the T is not usually my friend.
I used to work at the Prudential Center and I can tell you that coming home from the shopping and economic "hub" (get it)...in the middle of summer when you're sweltering to begin with and want very little to do with touching anyone, the idea of getting on a cramped train (once it finally shows up that is) is a pretty heinous thought.
Read: I love the Sox but...depraved fans coming to or fro Fenway!? Yipes. Just, yipes.
But I digress, as I'm fairly sure we're all aware: it ain't summer.
So here's my TOP 5 gripes with the T, as of late...
No. 1) Dear Mr. Conductor (or Mrs.): If you see me RUNNING for the train, be a peach: let me on! Dont slam the door in my face and shoot me a look. I'm real sorry u had to be up early to drive this here thing but hey, we all got places to go and people to do. Strike that, reverse it.
No 2) Did your mama teach you nothing? If you see some poor helpless person trying to get on the T with a HUGE suitcase, you can do a few things to better their (and your sitch...trust me, it helps everything go FASTER)
a) you can help them with said suitcase
b) you can MOVE INTO THE TRAIN for the LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED
c) heaven forfend, you could GIVE YOUR SEAT TO SAID PERSON WHO IS LUGGING THE DAMN THING...(karma people, learn it: love it)
No 3) And this is mia culpa here, friends. Turn your headphones down...I know that the train makes lots of noise but honestly, if I'm trying to listen to my music, I don't really want to hear your music too. I value my hearing same as the next person and the louder yours is, the louder I feel compelled to make mine. Thus resulting in a horrible symphony of ick on the train in the morning. (This was especially apparent when I realized that I had forgotten my headphones. Balls)
No 4) If you're reading the newspaper, is it SO HARD to fold that bad boy in half!? Honestly...I'm gonna wind up RIPPING IT going past your huge ass paper...Just fold it in half and read it. You don't need the whole thing open up for everyone elses enjoyment. My eyesight is bad. I can't read it anyway from where you're sitting. The metro is the size that it is for a reason, Wallstreet Journal reader. Act accordingly: take a hint.
No 5) I just want to say publically: I'm really sorry that I watch things that border on inappropriate on the train namely Rescue Me and Nip/Tuck, both which feature real graphic sex scenes and even more graphic operations/violence/burn scenes etc. I'm real sorry. But I don't wave it in front of you for a reason. I keep that ish on the DL. And I would really appreciate if I didn't have to feel you breathing down my neck cause you're straining to see what I'm watching. Perv, if you want to see a sex scene that bad, might I suggest redtube when you get to the office, or better yet, BUY YOURSELF AN IPOD AND LOAD THAT BAD BOY UP. And then notice how CREEPY it is when someone does that nonsense to you. Not to mention, if you're getting semi hard, and you're standing BEHIND ME, I can notice. I have nerve endings. They feel things. Earth to you. So, maybe shift yourself. Or better yet, STOP STARING. Incidently: both of those shows are real awesome, just saying.
Ok...that's all.
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